


My Luck Right?

by ImALevel23Druid



Series: Depths of an Ottsel [2]
Category: Jak and Daxter
Genre: Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:43:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImALevel23Druid/pseuds/ImALevel23Druid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Jak 3. Dax is dealing with a sudden shift, in a lot of things, that will mean Jak has to deal with them too. No matter how much Dax wishes he could keep them to himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Luck Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Again, an old story posted on fanfiction.net that I am proud of so its going up here too. This was after I was infected with 'the slash', and decided 'why not?'. There is some Kiera bashing in this, but it is pretty ignorable for the story. Probably some grammatical errors and unintentional pov shifts, but I'm still very proud of it. Enjoy :)
> 
> p.s. Also, I didn't make Dax an alcoholic (no matter what Jak thinks), just gave him magic alcohol tolerance.

I lowered my head enough so that only my eyes were above the warm water. I blew bubbles as I sorted out my thoughts. The slight trill of happiness that came from seeing my bent _human_ knees sticking out of the water wasn’t enough to drag me out of the pit of angst I was in. All thanks to that day, my life was effectively turned upside down, and my well-deserved high turned into an unexpected low. My mind drifted back to the incident itself, before all these confusing _things_ came up.

“Daxykins, dinner’s ready,” Tess said as she knocked on the door. I jumped and flailed in the water as I tried to get my heart back under control. I was so deep in thought that I hadn’t even heard her walk up. Either that or my elf ears just weren’t as good as their ottsel versions. I got up awkwardly, still not quite use to having arms and legs twice the length of what my body used to be.

I grabbed a towel and wiped the steam away from the mirror before I wrapped it around my waist. A face that seemed almost foreign to me stared back. All the main points from back before I was small and fury were there. Hair’s still the same color, still have the overbite, still have about a fourth of Jak’s muscle mass. Yep, same ole’ Daxter, except that there are a few changes if you look hard enough.

I’m taller, I actually have a couple layers of muscle, and I even have a few battle scars. Who would’a thought that run in with that alley cat would give me scars _that bad *_. I mean sure, it felt that bad at the time, but it even freaks _me_ out a bit to see them enlarged to a human size. I gave a last glance at my reflection and made sure that I could give a passable smile before I left the bathroom. Stupid angst. Ugh, now I’m what I used to make fun off. Typical.

I walked across the hall into my room and put on some of my still new clothes. They were as close as I could get to the old Sandover versions, and that brought some much needed happiness with it.

Boxers, pants, shirt, boots, yep, everything’s on. I had to go through a _checklist_ now. I was so out of it that I nearly walked downstairs in nothing but my skin three days ago. Hey, I hadn’t had to worry about clothes for the last couple years; I think I deserve some leeway. This was also beside the point though, because not only was the food getting cold, but Tess was waiting. One last check to make sure zippers were up (this became a required part of the checklist on the fourth day) and everything was in its proper place and I was off.

I walked down the stairs and stood in front of the kitchen doors of the Naughty Ottsel. I took a deep breath before I threw them wide open.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, _the_ Orange Lightning is here!” Tess giggled from where she was stirring a pot on the stove and gave me a smile.

“Dax, we’re the only two here tonight,” she said while she handed me two bowls. I gave her my most charming smile as I took the bowls and put them on the small table. She brought over two bottles of beer and we sat down. I started eating and let my mouth go on autopilot. My mind was slowly starting to backslide into my more morose thoughts.

“Daxter?” Tess said quietly, putting her hand over mine. That was enough for me to finally realize that I hadn’t been talking for the last few minutes causing Tess a significant amount of worry, though this brought me to a whole ‘nother place I didn’t want to be. You see, Tess was sweet. She flirted back with something that was two feet tall and covered in fur. Sweet ‘ole Tess, she might have even loved me, when I was an **_ottsel_** _._ A human woman, and might I say a very fine woman, actually _loved me_ , and now that I was human, everything should be heading for the happily ever after, right? Pfft, one would think.

I quickly extracted my hand from under hers and waved it around in the air, trying to add to the words that I hadn’t spoken yet.

“Don’t worry your gorgeous head, the Daxinater’s AOK.” I said it with what I thought was my normal vigor, and even though Tess still looked a little uncertain, we went back to the conversation. Damn, was life unfair or what?

Even now, Tess worries about me. I never really knew if she _loved_ me or was just flirting with me, but it never really mattered. Regardless of what people think, I _do_ have a brain, and I _can_ use it. I knew that when I got here, the only one that worried about the easily breakable, but loveable, ottsel was Jak. But then Tess came along. She actually talked to me, worried about me, and when I wasn’t in eyesight, asked the room where I was. Even back in Sandover I wasn’t well liked. The fact that a really hot chick liked me when, and I can’t stress this enough, _I was an_ _ottsel_ ,was unbelievable.

She was so easy to talk to, and to flirt with, that I could forget that I was an ottsel for a couple minutes. I had thought that I was in love with her, and who wouldn’t think that? I was forcefully ejected from that illusion on day three of being Daxter and not the talking rat. Stupid dream, stupid Jak, stupid silk ribbon… yes alright! It was one of _those_ dreams. Though how my mind thought that Jak could-Gah! No! Not at the dinner table and _not_ with Tess.

The point that I was getting at, was that I came to the revelation that I _didn’t_ love Tess. The problem was, was that I wasn’t sure on what wavelength me and Tess were on, you know? Not only did we now spend about 16 hours a day together, (since I was more than slightly on the skinny/can’t shoot a gun side, I wasn’t exactly welcome in Spargus) but we kept flirting with each other.

Thing was, I did it because it seemed normal, not because I loved Tess, and Tess was too sweet, and I’ll admit it, to important (there’s only one person more important, and I’m pretty sure it’s obvious who) to hurt like that. I needed to really lay it out straight. The stumbling block with that plan was that I was a tad bit of a coward and hadn’t really said anything to her, though if I was going to live here in the foreseeable future that needed to change.

Before I knew it, Tess’s perfect little hand was taking away the empty bowl (I ate? I can’t even remember what the hell it was). She came back though with two more beers and she put them down in front of me, not taking one for herself, which put a smile on my face.

The amount of liquor I drank when I was an ottsel, coupled with my new human metabolism, meant that I could now nearly drink the Tattooed Wonder himself under the table. Most people couldn’t tell I was still mostly sober, but I knew, and I was the one that didn’t have the killer hangover in the morning (oh, was _that_ a fun meeting with Tattoo the next morning, dangerous, but still fun). Tess waited until I popped the cap and took a long pull before she began speaking.

“Daxter, you haven’t been yourself. What’s wrong?” I looked her in the eye and sighed. This was the serious conversation that I wanted right? I took another long drink before I put it down.

“Tess, I-” how the hell was I supposed to say ‘I don’t love you’, but not make it seem like I was an ass at the same time? Riiight, you can’t. “I care about you, you know? I just, I’m not really serious about all the flirting.” Her face looked a little strange and I tried to back pedal to try to make the look go away. “I mean, I think I meant at the beginning, but somewhere along the way,” night three here, “My, my heart just wasn’t in it.” I paused and looked down at the beer, “My brain thought it was in love with you, but I guess my heart wasn’t…” I trailed off. She still didn’t say anything, and I was too much of a chicken to look at her.

“Tess, I’m sorr-” the air was cut by the beeping of the vid-phone that I always kept on me. I squeezed my eyes shut, asking the precursers why they liked to torment me so much. I knew that if I picked up the phone, I would feel bad, but I also knew that if I didn’t pick up the phone, I would feel worse. I sighed, Tess knew, and I heard the kitchen doors swing shut as I opened the phone, trying to make my face look happy.

“Buddy,” I said as I felt the first authentic jolt of happiness for days go through me at seeing those blue eyes, “did I ever tell you, you have _sucky_ timing?” Jak tilted his head to the side in confusion at the odd greeting, but I just rolled my eyes. “How’d things go anyway?” And this was another question that I was dreading due to my numerous emotional problems.

Not only did Jak recently lose the father he never knew but respected as a leader, but now he was alone out there, at one of the exact times that he shouldn’t be. Jak was always a little off since the prison thing, and the one thing that we both shared was that we never liked being alone. A thought that kept creeping in my head though, that brought numerous amounts of guilt with it, was that I didn’t really know if I wanted him to be okay with me not being there, ‘cause that would mean that he didn’t need me, and that just brought all types of emotional bads. Stupid feelings.

“The mission isn’t finished yet. There were more metal heads than we thought. After this though, Sig gave me a couple weeks off.”

“And you wanted to come experience a night at the _Naughty_ Ottsel huh?” I cut in, trying to get that look off of Jak’s face as soon as possible. See, he wanted to put on a strong face to everyone else, but we both knew. _Sig_ shouldn’t be the one giving orders. The one who was though, was gone, far sooner than he should have been, especially for Jak. Despite the emotional turmoil, Jak rolled his eyes at my joke, my smile got a bit more authentic at the victory, and he went on with what he was going to say.

“Sig also said that in those weeks, I can’t step one foot in Spargus, and that ‘my talking rat’s probably getting lonely’.”

“Ah, that hurts babe, are you saying that the only reason why you would come visit me is because Sig told you too? And what’s with this ‘talking rat’ business? The fact that you didn’t defend my honor when I couldn’t? That hurts deep.” I was kind of surprised that I wasn’t totally joking either. It really did hurt that he didn’t correct Sig and that he wouldn’t come and visit on his own. Was I really that unneeded?

“If giving a glare that could freeze death over means that he didn’t defend ‘ya, then yeah, Jak flaked on his duty alright!” a random voice said from the background. There were laughs and other exclamations of what Jak did coming over the phone. He was trying to glare them all into submission, and it was working rather well too, but I could see the embarrassment behind his eyes. Damned if that didn’t chase every sad feeling outta’ me and make me feel like I was on cloud nine, and that _face_. I said it before, and I’ll say it again, no boy should have eyes like that, dark and se- _no, BAD_.

“I gotta go. I’ll see you in a couple days.” He still looked kind of angry, though to my ears, he only sounded petulant. I dragged my mind out of the gutter and smothered a laugh. I pasted a smirk on my face and tried to not get too focused on his eyes.

“Make sure you give ‘em enough hell for the both of us buddy.” Jak only gave me a mix of a smirk and a smile by way of goodbye before he shut off the line. I sighed, a sigh that encompassed just about every emotion I was feeling at the time, before I closed the phone and stuck it back in its holder. Tess must have walked back in sometime during the call because she sat down on the table next to me and gave me a smile that held understanding and forgiveness, a strangely serious look on her usually happy face.

“It’s alright Dax, I understand.” Good old sweet Tess. I gave off a laugh that was a mixture of happiness and bitterness with a touch of hysteria as Tess leaned down to give me a hug. That smile she gave me said she knew everything, even that my heart was somewhere in the middle of a metal head den, and that she was still all right with it. I was just thankful that if she felt a couple tears on her shoulder, she was nice enough to not say anything.

* * *

I looked up from cleaning the glasses as I heard more shouting than usual.

“Hey, if anything breaks, all of you are cut off!” Luckily the drunk’s friends were sober enough to know that I meant it and they quieted the loud one down. They were just thankful that it wasn’t Tess at the counter. I yelled threats and cut off the booze while she brought out a gun as big as them. I’m not ashamed that my girl is known as the muscle around here. Actually, it’s really kind of hot. That might explain the whole ‘feeling’ thing with Ja-

“Two of your strongest,” a gravelly voice broke through my musings. I looked up and smirked. Really, he needed to stop setting himself up like that.

“I got the order for Ashlein, but what will you be having?” Some of the drunker people at the bar giggled, but a snarling glare from Torn shut them up quick. I just laughed and smirked as I turned around to get his order. He couldn’t threaten bodily harm to me anymore now that I controlled the flow of booze. Sure, he could go somewhere else, but the Naughty Ottsel boasted something that few other bars in Haven could claim; quality liquor.

I handed over the mugs and Ashlein at least had the grace to give me a smile in thanks. I beamed back before I went back to polishing the glasses.

“So, how’s Haven’s most violent couple doing?” I questioned. Torn gave me another snarl but Ashlein answered.

“Very well, thank you.” I gave her one of my actual smiles, to which she responded in kind, before I covered it up with another smirk. Ashlein had warmed up to me recently, probably because I stopped hitting on her, and even though she wouldn’t actively seek me out, she didn’t give me glares when I started talking to her either. Well, as long as I didn’t babble too much. I was just putting the glasses back, when the same group from before started causing trouble again. I sighed and I stuck my head in the kitchen.

“Honeydove, would you mind stepping out here and taking care of a problem?” Tess looked up from the tray of biscuits she just took out of the oven and giggled.

“Anything for you Daxypoo.” She took off her oven mitts and grabbed her gun from next to the swinging doors, for occasions just like these. How she was able to hold it up was beyond me. The thing looked like Jak’s peacemaker, except more pointy, and maybe even slightly bigger.

The whole bar stilled, and my smirk got a bit more vicious. Oh yeah, my girl was packin’.

“Are you guys causing problems for my Daxy? Because if you are, I’m going to have to take care of it,” she said in her angry voice. She hefted her gun so that she was holding it in both hands and it sounded like it was powering up. She switched gears again and tilted her head with a happy smile on her face, “Alright?” The drunks all nodded, looking slightly green and they stumbled out of the bar, to the laughs of the regulars who saw this situation frequently.

As soon as she was back behind the bar, I gave her a smile and cooed at her, “Thanks for the help Tessykins.” She gave another giggle and pecked me on the cheek.

“Anytime.” She went back into the kitchen while I leaned down to grab one of the glasses I just cleaned and filled it up with something from a random tap. I took a sip and turned back to Tattoo and Ashlein. Ashlein was smiling while Tattoo was staring at the counter, and I had to wonder if it was to make sure that he wouldn’t look at Tess. Ashlein didn’t seem like the type of girlfriend who let her man have a long leash.

They were still just sitting there silently finishing their drinks, and I couldn’t let Snarly off without a parting shot. I leaned next to his face and used my own drink to hide my mouth from Ashlein, though I didn’t try to talk in a whisper.

“I love my bar and all, but this place is pretty low on the ‘places to take my girlfriend to’ list. If you’re lookin’ to score, this probably won’t do it.” I was expecting him to threaten me or something, but he only looked to the side while his grayed cheeks gained a slightly reddish hue to them.

“This was just because we were thirsty, we’re going to the ruins.” I blinked a bit in surprise, before I felt a pang of jealousy. You’re telling me that the Tattooed Wonder, who practically lived inside his military maps, was going to get some action before _me_ , Orange Lightning!? I guess I couldn’t fault him though; he had a larger market to play to. If he were swinging for the other team, he’d probably be in my boat.

Luckily, before I could rant anymore in my head, a picture of Tattoo decked out in neon pink and blue hanging off some muscle head’s arm popped into my head and was so mind jarringly funny, that it took everything I had to not fall over laughing right there. Thankfully, my mind wanderings happened in a very short period of time. I got back in my groove and laughed at Tattoo, his blush still hadn’t really gone away.

“Well I’ll be damned, I didn’t know you had it in you Growly. I’m proud of ‘ya!” I laughed some more and pounded him on the shoulder while he tried to cover up his deeper blush with a growl.

“We’re leaving.” He drained the last of his drink and threw the money on the table.

“Have a nice night,” I said as I gathered the money. Ashlein gave me a nod, with what could have passed as a smile, while Torn ignored me. They both walked out, and the rest of the night passed without incident.

Business hours were almost over and Tess brought out some of the biscuits. I thanked her as we both leaned against the bar, waiting for last of the customers to leave.

“So, when’s Jak coming?” she asked, with just the slightest inflection on his name. I don’t know if she was actually sad when I said I didn’t like her like that, but she certainly figured out _why_ I didn’t love her. I sighed, and didn’t bother with the song and dance. Tess already knew something was up, and it was nice not having to hide all the time.

“He said that he finished his mission this morning and that he was coming as soon as could. He should be here soon.” Tess gave me a sympathetic look, before she started on lighter topics. We eventually started ushering people out the door, and after the last drunk was thrown out, we started cleaning the place. I felt slightly bad for Tess since she had to do everything by herself all this time, but then I remembered that Tattoo had started using this place as a military HQ and some of the guilt went away. Grr, we still don’t have enough money to fix the sign.

I took the mop and started cleaning off floors and tables alike, dried beer came off better with a mop than with a rag. It was slightly surprising that I had been here for two weeks already. Nights were nearly as hard as back when I had first busted Jak out of prison*, but despite that, things were pretty good. It was nice being back and running the Naughty Ostel, though it would’ve been better if Jak-

I heard a knock at the window and my face nearly split in two. Tess gave a little squee from where she was wiping down the bar as I nearly tripped over myself to unlock the door. I gave my own squee, in my head of course, when I saw Jak. Dream Jak could suck it, real Jak was 10 times hotter . . . okay, poor choice of words, but the sentiment was still the same. It was only after my initial high wore off that I realized how tired Jak looked while he sagged in the doorway . . . also that I was oogling him.

“Blondie, you looked like something that a cat dragged through a desert, a metal head nest, and Haven, all in one night.” He gave a small smile as I let him in, locking the door behind him.

“Nice to see you too Dax.”

“Dinner’s almost done boys, so you just wait out here.” Tess finished wiping down the counter with a couple more swipes before she went back into the kitchen. Jak just nodded as he collapsed at one of the tables. I gave him a sympathetic smile before I got back to cleaning the place. I was nearly done with only about a fourth of the floor left to go and I wanted to finish as soon as possible. I tapped Jak’s feet with the handle to get his attention.

“Arms and legs up buddy,” he gave me a weird look as he lifted up is arms and legs. I quickly swiped the floor around the table before I moved on to the tabletop. He shot me a look that said, _‘that’s seriously gross’,_ but I just shrugged my shoulders.

“Hey, it’s easier, and the tables actually get cleaner.” I frowned slightly as I scrubbed harder at an unidentifiable stain. Jak just shook his head and closed his eyes again. I finished the cleaning and just as I finished scrubbing what I was hoping was spilled beer, Tess called out from the kitchen.

“Come and get it boys.” I smiled as I rolled the mop and bucket into the kitchen, making sure Jak followed me. I was a little unnerved at his utter silence, not even the silent comments from before he could talk were going on. I was hoping that that was because he was tired, but when I entered the kitchen, I realized that it might be because Tess was here. Just because Jak didn’t like being alone, didn’t mean that he liked other people. I frowned a little at the thought, but Tess’s happy face, and more importantly the plates of biscuits and gravy, got me in a happier mood.

“Make sure you both eat up, both you boys deserve it for all your hard work,” Tess said with her usual pep as she patted me on the head. It was almost like old times. I even had to resist glancing around to see if the tub o’ lard would come around the corner. Tess motioned us to sit down next to a plate, while she placed a cup of one of our better liquors next to each one. I think she must have felt bad when she saw Jak. I know that my heart was bleeding for the guy. He definitely looked like he was on a two week long metal head hunting mission.

After the first couple bites of silent eating I finally got fed up with him and kicked him in the shin. If I timed it to where he was taking a drink of his beer, well, I swear that I didn’t mean it. He didn’t see the accident in it though and glared at me while he tried to wipe off the bear that splattered on his shirt. His glares failed to cowl me a long time ago, and I gave as good as I got.

“Loosen up a little. If I remember right, this is supposed to be a _va-ca-tion._ I’m not above spiking your drink,” I warned. Tess played along as well.

“It’s true. He likes to take advantage of blonds,” she whispered to him conspiratorially. She said it with such conviction that I could barely hold in my laugh. Yeah, Tess _definitely_ knew where my heart lay.

When I saw Jak’s face, I gave up and hit my head on the table, laughing out loud. Tess was giggling, and I even heard a snort from Jak eventually. After that, the tension broke and before I knew it dinner was over. Tess was cleaning up and getting ready to go back to her place. I think Jak was going to ask if she wanted to be walked home before he saw her gun. His eyebrows raised, and I couldn’t decipher if it was in surprise or in appreciation.

“Bye Bye Daxy. Make sure to take good care of Jak, okay?” Tess wasn’t made for double entendre. I couldn’t tell if she meant that how it sounded or with some dirty connotation. After she patted me on the head again and I gave her a parting farewell, she swept out the doors and me and Jak were left in awkward silence. For all of five seconds.

“Well,” I said as I scooted my chair back slightly, “I would try to race you upstairs, but it’d be so one-sided that it wouldn’t even be worth it.” I made my tone light and tried to angle myself towards the doorway without him seeing. He just smirked, seeming to be more energized then when he showed up on the doorstep.

“Yeah, you’d loose.” He didn’t move, though his muscles became tense, ready to spring. I just smiled and waved his comment away.

“Like I said, so one-sided that it wouldn’t be worth it.” I reached out my hand to grab my glass and then ran like a nest of whumpbees was behind me. I didn’t fool Jak though and he had jumped before me, getting the lead. All the way up the stairs, we were pushing and shoving each other despite the fact that Jak just came back from a mission and that I’ve been working the bar all day. I would have tied for first place if I didn’t trip over the clodhoppers that he called feet. I fell in to the guest room slightly behind him, and we were huffing and puffing, not only from the run, but also from the laughter it caused.

Jak had collapsed on the bed, and I was sitting down next to it, the smile still on my face. The last time that me and Jak raced anywhere was back in Sandover, and if you wanted to get dramatic, you could say that was more than 200 years ago. I was so caught up in the moment that I said anything that came to mind.

“Dang, I forgot how hot the guest room got.” Complaining was a natural reflex, and I really _was_ starting to get sweaty.

“Why don’t you take off your shirt then?” Jak asked. He was already taking off his multiple layers and laying them within easy reach. It was a couple beats after the question that I remembered _why_ that was such a bad idea.

Jak couldn’t see the chest scars I had, he would get all sad and guilty and that was no. Geeze, why did the scars have to grow too? At least back there, things were dim enough that he couldn’t see, and by the time that he could, I was already wearing a shirt that covered the worst one. The nicks and scrapes I got were bad enough with him, _this one_ , oh no. He _could not_ see it.

“E-Eh, I don’t think it’s that bad,” I said, cursing the fact that I could never lie to him. Why is it I could never hide anything from Jak? Even if it was for his own good? I felt him staring at the back of my head but I kept staring forward, stretching my arms along the bed, trying to forget that part of the conversation.

Jak didn’t let it go though, and pulled on my hair so my head was laying back against the bed, and he gave me the same stare from that night a year ago*. This was heading in a bad direction, but unlike back then, I couldn’t even pretend that I wasn’t hiding something. Stupid feelings. Stupid blue*.

“What’s under your shirt Dax?” His voice was low and gravelly, and would have been a lot more hot if he weren’t trying to pry this secret out of me. He didn’t look away from my eyes and I could only give a stilted laugh.

“Nothin’s under my shirt except skin and bone babe, what’s up with you?” He didn’t buy it, I didn’t buy it, and his stare made it known. This was leading to two possible outcomes. Jak would either break me, and I would show him the scar and then deal with that emotional fallout, or I would resist, and Jak would feel hurt because I was hiding something from him, and then I would probably show him and deal with the emotional fallout. Either way, I wasn’t going to be let off the hook. If I didn’t have these feelings . . . ugh. I’d rather deal with a guilty Jak then a hurt Jak though, and I finally gave in. I prayed to the Precursors that this wasn’t going to be a foreshadowing of the times to come.

“Well, ya’ see,” I started off, looking over his right shoulder since he still had a grip on my hair, “I might not have been completely honest when I said that you saw _all_ my scars…” His frown got worse before it turned into a look of dawning understanding. He let go of my hair, and I heard his unspoken request. I turned around so that I was facing him, still sitting cross-legged on the floor. “It was a couple months after we got here, and I was sleeping in what I thought was a perfectly safe box. Turned out it wasn’t so safe. A big tom came by and thought I was a dead rat or somethin’,” and oh how _this_ dredged up bad memories. I think I actually believed in a higher power for the next couple of days. How I survived I’ll never know, “Well, I was asleep,” passed out drunk if I remember correctly. Those days _sucked_ , “and he was able to get a pretty good hold on me. I woke up and started making a loud fuss and someone got fed up and threw something at him. Long story short, he dropped me and I lived to tell another day,” I finished up lamely. Jak’s frown had a few angry hints to it, though it was mostly full of worry. There were a couple moments of him staring at me, asking me to let him see. I was ignoring him and staring blithely back.

“Dax,” he said after a moment, his voice was low and you could nearly feel all the turbulent emotions held within it.

“Yes?” I said, dreading the answer, actually flinching at the tone of voice.

“Take off your shirt.” Oh, how under any other circumstance I would have followed that request with gusto. With the current situation though, I had little want to comply. Any protests though, died on my tongue at the glare he gave me and I finally admitted defeat. I slowly took off my shirt and I heard his sharp gasp of breath.

It was a bad scar, the worst one I had. Between my navel and about halfway up my ribs, there was a large oval of scars on my front and back. The teeth had really sunk in, and when I struggled, they only got deeper and more jagged around the edges. When I had first seen it when I got out of the cave, it gave a new perspective on how close I was to death that night. Sure, I knew that all the bleeding and the ten puncture wounds were bad, but at least through the fur and blood, I didn’t see the holes.

Jak was obviously not so over it and there’s nothing worse than seeing the man you …well…l…lo…you know… _so guilty looking._ I was getting sad and kind of angry, which meant that I was getting twitchy. I finally shoved my shirt back over my head and reached over and focused all of my nervous energy into a punch to his shin. I didn’t really hurt him, but it did surprise him enough to get him to look me in the eye and not at my chest (if the situation wasn’t so serious, I probably would have giggled. Come on, the choice of words is kind of funny, considering my situation.).

“Stop it,” I said making sure he kept eye contact. He got over his surprise quickly and the guilty look came back, basically meaning that he was ignoring me. I growled slightly, maybe a layover habit of being an ottsel, and got on my knees so that our heads were more level. I reached up and smacked him across the head and before he could duck away, I grabbed his ear, one of the few things I wasn’t allowed to do since he hated it so bad.

“Stop it.” I finally got through to him, but just barely. Now he just looked like a kicked puppy. I sighed and gave a final tug on his ear. It didn’t even make him flinch, and I felt a pang of sadness run through me.

“Buddy, when I tried to stay guilty over your scars, you wouldn’t let me. When I tried to take the blame for your scars, you said you never blamed me because, and you told me this, I was the only one that was going to save you,” I paused to see if he was listening, and when I saw that he was, I went on with my monologue, “What makes you think that it’s any different for me? In this whole stupid world, I only have two and a half people that even _like me_. So,” I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, “Jak, you are the only person in the world who would look for me and the only one that would care enough to save me. _So stop feeling guilty for things that weren’t your fault._ ” I threw his words back at him, and if his face was anything to go by, he remembered them.

“Now,” I kicked his feet onto the bed, and pushed him back so that he was lying down, “you just got back from a long mission and before all of this was happening you were drooping with exhaustion. So, get comfy and get some sleep. Tomorrow you can actually bathe and we can move on from there,” I said matter of factly, with a smile that was only half fake. It took him a minute, but he eventually gave me a small smile, barely a smile really, even by Jak standards, and started removing the last of his layers.

Damn, did this plan backfire. It took everything I had to keep my mind from flying south for the winter, if you catch my drift, and I tried not to let my eyes stay to long on the quickly being exposed skin. Did Jak always sleep in his boxers and a muscle shirt? There had to more to the sleeping ensemble right? But, no, there went the goggles and he was lying back down again. He sent me a strange look and I realized that I was still sitting down, fully clothed. I gave a nervous smile and felt twitchy again. My hands were fluttering around until I forced them to stay at my sides.

“Well,” oh, I could try to sleep in my room and fail, _or,_ I could ask to sleep here, next to _him_ but actually enjoy it. I guess the choice is pretty obvious. “I was wondering if I could bunk here?” His head tilted to the side, to cute for words (except for these of course), and I went on hurriedly, “It would be just like a sleep over. We could tell scary stories, paint each other’s nails, and discuss who’s on the top 10 hottest guy list,” though I already know who was number one. I didn’t say the last though, and just finished with one of my regular smiles. He rolled his eyes and rustled my hair. Oh, that got the heart beating, but still. Jak was getting happy, and that made me happy. I’d endure anything for that.

I gave a real smile as I took off my goggles and boots, keeping on my pants, stupid _dreams_ , and my shirt, though I took off the vest and scarf, and settled my head on the bed. I felt a poke and looked up to see Jak looking down at me.

_‘Isn’t that uncomfortable?’_

“Nah babe, I’m cool like this,” and the strange thing, I actually was. I had angled myself so that I was leaning against the bed with my head laying flat on the sheets, and even though if I fell asleep like this I would get a hell of a crick in my neck and back, it really was comfy. The main reason for that though, was probably because my face was right next to Jak’s shoulder, close to where I always curled up when I was an ottsel.

Jak just shook his head, but he laid back down and was asleep in minutes, a true testament to how tired he was. I fought off sleep to look at his sleeping face, a sight that I never would have thought would be a rare one. Even back in Sandover, we always slept close to each other, though that was usually because we caused so much trouble that when we made it to one of our houses, the other was too tired to go to theirs. My eyes closed to one of the most beautiful sights I would see as I actually went into my first peaceful sleep in two weeks.

* * *

 

_“Dax . . . “ his voice held warning, but I ignored it._

_“Relax, tall, blonde, and gruesome. This is a_ stone _building. It looks sturdier than that hotel we paid to stay at back in Haven.” There was a snort from behind me, but I couldn’t tell if it was at the memory or my poor parallel._

 _“It collapsed after a Krimson guard nicked the corner with his cruiser._ Anything _would be sturdier than that place.” Oh, it was at the parallel._

_“Buddy, look around; it’s made of stone, it’s sturdy, and we haven’t seen a metal head since the time we-“ a stone brick fell from the ceiling missing me by inches while a metal head crawled out of the newly made hole. Jak gave me a sardonic look while the metal head hissed at us. I ran over and gave a flying leap to his shoulder._

_“Well,” I said when I got there, “You can’t say the place isn’t made of stone.” Jak gave me one last eye roll before he took out his blaster and leveled it at the metal head._

_The metal head was long, skinny, and hard to nail a hit on, and Jak learned that after the first pillar almost hit us, direct hits were a must. With all the jumping and rolling the boy wonder was doing, it took all of my concentration to stay on his shoulder and not overbalance him._

_I was turned around so many times that I barely knew what was up and what was down. Before I knew what was happening, the metal head’s face was too close to mine for comfort. It was on pure instinct that I jumped away and sheer bad karma that I somehow landed on its back. Jak yelled something, but I was too busy trying to get off while trying to avoid its jaws and not smash against the hard rocks to hear._

_I had finally managed to grab onto a ledge on a pillar when I heard an ominous crackling behind me. I looked back just in time to see Jak, now actually dark and gruesome, tear the metal head in half and throw the pieces into opposite walls. He gave off one last snarl before the dark eco finally receded._

_As soon as I was sure that the claws were gone, I jumped off the pillar and sauntered over. I kicked a piece of metal head that hadn’t stayed attached to the main two chunks before I gave Jak a smirk._

_“See babe, wha’d I tell ‘ya? This place is safer than most places in Haven.” I was going to say more, but then I heard a strange sound that made me pause. I realized what it was slightly after Jak did. It was the sound of multiple fractures being made in the stone directly under my feet._

_Jak probably yelled something as he dove for me. At least his mouth was moving like he was yelling something, but I couldn’t hear anything over the frantic beating of my heart. I scrambled to jump towards the ledge, but the width of the new hole in the floor would have given Jak trouble. For someone_ _ottsel_ _sized, it was a lost cause._

_I don’t know what I expected, maybe to fall forever, or to quickly meet another stone floor. What I absolutely wasn’t expecting was to fall face first into a fast flowing river. Really, how many rivers can there be in the middle of a desert? Any other thought that I might have had on the subject though was quickly tossed from my mind. It was a constant battle to get my head above the water long enough to breathe, and after a few eternities, I realized that I was quickly loosing it._

_Sooner than I thought, my legs wouldn’t kick anymore, and my arms wouldn’t pump. My lungs were on fire and pretty sparkles were quickly appearing in my blackening vision. It kind sucked, that I would die_

_Like_

_This……_

_I don’t think I’ve ever felt stranger in my life. I knew that I should’ve been in pain, I could feel things breaking and moving inside me, but I just felt a slight itch. That ended soon enough though, and soon, I was just floating on a still lake._

_I was fairly sure that I hadn’t died, I don’t think I would be this cold if I had moved on. My forehead wrinkled at the thought. This was a weird type of cold. I couldn’t put my finger on why it was different though. The familiar sound of wing beats drove the thought from my mind. Just as I was about to open my eyes, I heard another familiar sound. It was the sound of light Jak changing back to regular Jak. That was the only warning I had before Jak fell on to my stomach from what felt like 20 feet in the air._

_After my tranquil peace was ruined and both Jak and myself broke the surface again, I barely got any air in my lungs before Jak forced it all back out with a bone crushing hug. When I brought my arms up to try to pry him away, the sight made everything click, why I was cold, why my body had felt so strange, all the answers came to me as I stared at my hand. My five fingered, furless, fleshy hand. I had turned back into a human._

* * *

 

I jolted awake from the memory, and it took me a minute to remember why I was on the floor. I was right, my back and neck were complaining loudly as I got up. I gave a glance over at Jak, and I felt my heart skip a beat at seeing him. Now that I didn’t have to worry about him seeing, I drank in the picture. When I realized where my gaze was headed, I felt my face go red and I snapped my eyes to his face. This didn’t really help things, but at least my face was cooling back down. I leaned over slightly, and with only a quiet voice in the back of my head saying it was a bad idea, ran my hand through his hair.

A few lines on his face evened out at the touch, and I couldn’t help but give a quiet laugh. It soon led to a sigh though, and even I couldn’t pretend I didn’t hear all the depressing feelings held within it.

“Really babe, what the hell am I gonna do now?” I whispered to the sleeping face. I ran my hand through his hair one more time before I quietly left the room. My clothes were stale and my mouth tasted like rancid gravy and liquor, not the way to start the day.

As soon as I got back to my room, I looked at the clock and groaned. It was only 5:50 in the morning. Well, I couldn’t really complain. I had been averaging 2-3 hours every night since my little growth spurt, and the extra hour was more than welcome. I threw on whatever was clean and wandered into the bathroom, liberally applying toothpaste to the toothbrush, trying to get rid of the awful taste.

After I scrubbed all the enamel off my teeth, I walked down to the kitchen, putting on some coffee so that I could actually function through the day. Running on three hours of sleep is harder than you would think. Once the soothing sound of coffee being made reached my ears, I leaned against the counter and let my mind go numb.

Since it was only 6 in the morning, there was really nothing to do. I guess I could try making a big, home cooked breakfast since Jak probably wasn’t going to be up for a-

_‘BABUMP’_

My head shot up to the noise even though my body was already half way to the room. I got back to his room and I couldn’t decide if I should feel sorry for him, or if I should just laugh.

Jak was halfway tangled in the sheet sitting on the floor, with a dazed look on his face. I eventually settled for just a smile as I walked over and nudged his leg. He looked up, and his brain finally started working. I grabbed his arm and hauled him up.

“Any particular reason why you got your ass kicked by the blanket blondie?” He just gave me a look as he untangled the blanket from around his legs. He threw it on the bed before he collapsed back on it. He didn’t say anything, and I noticed that he looked a little ragged, like he had just woke up from a nightmare. I didn’t say anything though and just stood there, putting on a false air of impatience.

“It was nothing Dax, just a dream,” he said finally and I could only roll my eyes. That was Jak for, ‘I’m not going to tell you Dax’. You see, why can he lie to me, but I can’t to him? Entirely unfair. I tried to at least make him feel bad for not telling me, but he wasn’t even paying attention.

“Be that way then,” I huffed. He was still ignoring me though and he started getting dressed, which only solidified my nightmare theory. Once Jak woke up for the day, he was up for the day. I didn’t like being ignored though, and I picked up the sheet and threw it at his head. He finally remembered my presence enough to glare at me as he tried to disentangle the sheet from his ears.

“You reek,” I said to his glare, and if my smirk was a little smug, oh well, “I won’t allow you to come downstairs unless you bathe.” He looked slightly confused before he actually smelled himself. His look of disgust made me snicker. I walked over, and against my better judgment, threw my arm around his shoulders. Bad for my heart and emotional turmoil? Yes, yes it was, but oh, was it worth it. Just touching the smelly lug was enough to send my heart racing. Imagine when he was actually _clean_? I’d barely be able to function.

I tried not to let any of those thoughts show though and just had a smile on my face and laughed as I tried to push him out the door. He played along and moved towards the door and into the hallway. He still looked a little haunted, but with Jak, you had to pick and choose your battles. He had two more strikes, before he was out.

He gladly went into the bathroom and I quickly went back to kitchen before my brain could entertain any bad thoughts and tried to figure out what would be for breakfast. I finally decided on some fried meat and potatoes and started chopping. I might not be a master chef, but I can chop stuff up and cook it in a pan just fine.

Sooner than I thought, the water turned off and I heard multiple bumps coming from upstairs. That reminds me, I’d have to do laundry soon. Jak usually had a small stash of clothes here, but that wasn’t going to last him long.

“What’re you making?”

“GYAH!” I screamed. I nearly burned my face with the spatula as my armed flailed. I turned around and gave him a glare. I forgot how quiet he was when he didn’t have his gun or shoes on him.

He looked kind of sheepish as he sat on the table. I tried to stay angry at him, but it failed. Seeing such a hulk of a man looking sheepish on a table was too cute a sight.

“I’m making sausage and potatoes. Go get some plates, it should be done in a couple more minutes.” He silently got off the table and started moving around the kitchen. I kept an eye half trained on him as I finished cooking the hash and took it off the heat.

Jak looked better now that he was clean. I sighed, if only he had left the shirt off, and maybe didn’t dry is hair so much . . . Coffee. Breakfast is done so I need to make my coffee. I determinedly only looked at the plates that Jak put on the counter and shoveled most of the pan onto his. I took the last third and put it on my plate before I finished off both with a well-placed fork.

I got two mugs down and poured coffee into each one. Before Jak could even say no, I shoved the plate and cup of creamed coffee, Jak didn’t like sugar in it, at him. He just smiled slightly before he went back to the table and started to eat. He wasn’t meeting my eyes much, and seemed to be glancing at my chest more. Hmm, strike two.

I ignored it though and put cream _and_ sugar into my coffee, like any sane person, before I started to eat right next to the counter. Once I got the edge of my hunger and enough caffeine to keep me from falling over, I broke the silence.

“So hero, what are we doin today?” He looked at me slightly confused, like the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. He was so one track though, it probably really hadn’t.

“Yes, because as _I_ stated what _you_ stated before, this is your vacation. I know that Haven ain’t the greatest of places, but it has more to do than the sand trap. So,” I brandished my fork at him and it made a slight smile come on his face, “What do you want to do today?”

He looked back at his plate and shrugged his shoulders, though it was the type of shrug that meant he didn’t know but was thinking about it. I wonder if he wouldn’t be too averse to helping me track down a lurker balloon . . .

“We could visit the track.” Or we could visit his girl that was a friend that wished she was his girlfriend. Yeah, that was an option too, a bad option, but still an option. At this rate, I’ll never be able to ride on a balloon.

“As the great lord blonde and shooty says, so shall it be,” I spoke with a deep voice and giving a bow. I’ll just have to swallow all the not nice feelings, and there were a lot when it came to Kiera, and go along with it. I _did_ ask what Jak wanted.

Jak only sent me a halfhearted glare before he finished up the last of his breakfast. I ate a couple more bites and drained the rest of my coffee. I looked over myself to make sure that all the necessities were there and started to wash off my plate and cup. I noticed that there was a lot of silence in the kitchen, and silence was never me, so I started complaining about the more worse of the bar customers.

I didn’t stop the stream of conversation as Jak soon put his empty plate and cup in the sink and I washed them too. I stopped mid-sentence once I saw that the few dishes were done and I stuck a happy smile on my face before I turned around. It became a real smile soon enough though once I saw that Jak was sitting back on top of the table, slightly kicking his legs on the ground, waiting for me to be done. Really, a two time world hero should not look like such a puppy. I just shook my head at the picture and moved on before Jak realized I was staring.

“There, now, off to the track!” Jak gave me another silent smile and followed me out of the kitchen and bar. I locked the door, made sure the key was in my pocket, and we were on our way. Really, it was almost like old times. Jak made sure people didn’t jostle us and I filled in the silence, earning a snort or an eye roll every once in a while. The only difference between then and now was that instead of talking from a shoulder perch, I was walking alongside him.

I felt a pang of sadness reverberate through me, because I missed this. Sure, Tess was there, but Tess wasn’t Jak. I had filled the silence for so many years, that when someone actually responded, it threw me off slightly, made me remember that it wasn’t Jak I was talking to, and it just led to a vicious cycle. I pushed all these feelings away though and enjoyed the limited time with my buddy.

Sooner than I wanted, we had arrived at the track, and I felt myself starting to come down from my happy high. Jak led us through the back and all the hallways until we reached Kiera’s garage. We eventually saw her crawling around a car, doing something mechanic like too it. I hung back a bit and let Jak have the lead.

“Hey Kiera.” Kiera bolted her head up from under the hood and looked slightly confused before her face lit up and she gave Jak a hug. He stiffened slightly, but loosened up enough to hug her back. She stepped back, still with a smile on her face, before she spoke.

“Jak! What are you doing here? I didn’t know you were back in Haven.”

“Yeah, I’m staying at the Naughty Ottsel with Dax.” At the mention of my name Kiera looked slightly surprised and finally saw me.

“Hey _Kiera_ , what’s up” I spoke, irritation lacing the words and an angry grin on my face. This was the first time that I’d seen her since I turned back. Kiera knew too. We had enough people in common for her to find out that Jak’s talking rat wasn’t a talking rat anymore. I couldn’t go and rub it in her face myself since Jak had told me to not wander into Haven when I didn’t need to, and she never came to the Naughty Ottsel.

I’m sorry, but when even _Loghead_ came to see me (and even congratulated me in a backhanded way), I’m allowed to be a bit bitter. She looked kind of sheepish at my well-deserved anger, but not sheepish enough to actually apologize for not seeing me sooner, because, you know, she didn’t want to lose face in front of Jak.

“Hello Daxter.” Jak looked back at me, asking what was going on, but I just ignored it and started looking around at the different cars. Kiera was Jak’s friend anyways, not mine. I didn’t want to be the influence to cause any anger between them. At least not yet. By the time we would leave, I would probably be jealous and angry enough, but for the moment, I was okay.

I just tuned her out and focused on the sound of Jak’s voice. I started to wander to a slightly father corner of her garage and started to poke at things that looked interesting, trying to not let my anger show. It was hard.

Kiera never liked me, even back in Sandover. Personally, I always thought it was because of the amount of time I spent with Jak. Whatever it was though, she made her dislike known. Never around Jak mind you, well not more then what I did to her around Jak, but she always saved it for when I was around other people. I never even thought it was that bad, until Tess noticed.

You see, Kiera and Tess had this weird relationship. When Kiera first met Tess, she was already slightly prejudiced against her because she worked for Krew, but she started to forgive her over time. They had the whole ‘woman bonding’ thing going since they were two chicks ‘in a man’s world’. They got on all right, but soon after this, Tess started to warm up to me. This is when the friction started happening between the both of them.

Tess saw how Kiera always passed me over in conversations, or the looks she would give me when Jak was looking the other way. Tess knew enough about our past to know that me, Jak, and Kiera grew up together, and seeing how she treated me, caused Kiera to lose respect in Tess’ eyes.

They never really fought, but Tess became a bit less bubbly around Kiera and just a tad bit harder. Kiera picked up on Tess’ passive anger and she upped her attitude in response to it. This didn’t happen often, but it happened enough to let everyone know that leaving Tess and Kiera in the same room probably wasn’t a good idea. Tess even asked me one day, what was up with her. I was just happy that me feeling like Kiera wanted to dump me over the nearest cliff wasn’t self-induced paranoia.

What sucked the most though is I just had to grin and bear it, because _Jak_ liked Kiera. I don’t know if he liked her the way she wanted him to like her, but she was at least important to him. Jak was screwed up enough. I didn’t want to pile on my problems with Kiera along with all the other shit he had to deal with. This led to only one course of action though, and I **_hated_** it.

Basically, what plan ‘Don’t let Jak know that I want to claw Kiera’s eyes out’ entailed, was that I have to stand there and listen to Kiera bitch about me _and_ hit on my m-Jak, I wasn’t going to say my man. Really, this plan _sucks._

“ _Shut up_.” The silence was deafening and threw me off my previous train of thought. I turned around to see what was going on, and what I saw surprised me. Jak’s back looked angry, Kiera’s face looked shocked, and I’m fairly sure my face was split by a grin. I change my mind. I like this plan; I’m excited to be a part of it.

I don’t know what Kiera said to make Jak so angry, but it had to be something big. Tall and gruesome didn’t usually outwardly express his anger, well, to at least his friends. Well, he had at least got better at it recently. . . Point was, she must have stepped on a doozy of a landmine to set him off like that.

Oh, she didn’t know when to stop. She was so busy trying to apologize to Jak that she wasn’t seeing what he was saying. That arm twitch said that she stepped too far to apologize, and that hand clench? The anger level was still rising and probably would for as long as Kiera kept talking.

Apparently Jak wanted to leave before he became a walking light show and turned around to face me. I tried to make sure he didn’t see my grin, but whether he saw it or not, he just grabbed my elbow so that I was being dragged out with him. I was still happy that he told Kiera to stuff it, but made sure it didn’t show too much on my face.

“See ya Kiera!” I said with a wave. She still looked kind of lost and sad, and vaguely teary. Was it wrong of me to revel in her sadness? Ehh, probably not.

As soon as we left her garage and got outside Jak let go of my elbow and started to storm off back towards the Naughty Ottsel. I let him have a couple more seconds to stew before I jumped in.

“Hey babe, what’s got your panties in a knot?” I asked, jogging to keep even with his angry strides. I didn’t really need to pay attention to where I was going since most people steered clear of us. Jak was pretty famous in Haven. Angry Jak was even more infamous.

He gave me a glance that looked slightly surprised and slowed down enough to where I could walk next to him.

“You didn’t hear what she said?” His posture was still angry so I kept the sarcasm to a minimum.

“Probably not since I’m asking. Sheesh, and they say _you’re_ the smart one.” Jak just shook his head and looked forward, ignoring my previous question and comment. I would have pressed further, but he was looking kind of angry again, so I did what I did best and tried to fill the silence with topics that wouldn’t make him get angrier.

It was a good thing that Torn wasn’t there. Good booze or not, he wouldn’t take that many insults lying down. Soon enough, his stride started to relax, and that angry scowl turned into his normal scowl. He didn’t say anything, but the slowly easing tension was enough of a response for me.

As soon as we got back to the bar, I sat on top of the counter and pulled out two frosty ones from beneath it. Jak walked up behind me, surprisingly silent for the amount of tension still visible in his frame, and took up a stool next to me. I had already drank a third of my beer before he spoke.

“She asked me why I still bothered with you, said that I could spend my time better.” I paused mid drink and let that sink in.

That BITCH! I was in the same room! She couldn’t wait ‘til I was gone before she started talking about me?! Wait, that means that this is what got Jak so angry? Oh damn, this boy’s going to make my heart explode if he keeps doing things that make it beat so fast. I took another long drink of my beer, hoping the liquor would dull the feelings so that they weren’t quite so sharp. I don’t know why I thought it would work, it never did before, but who knows, maybe the thousandth and first time is the charm.

I put all the happy fuzzy feelings in a box though to enjoy later. Right now, Jak was still kind of mad, and it was up to me and my mad talking skillz (oh yeah, they’re so good, the need a ‘z’) to get him out of it. I thought about going the joking route, but that would only put it off. Serious was the way to go with this one.

“Jak,” I said, trying to put some order to my thoughts, “In all honesty, only you and Tess like me, maybe Ashlein on a good day and a full beer. I’m sarcastic, scrawny, and even before I was an ottsel, you were saving my ass a lot more times than I was saving yours.” Jak looked like he wanted to make me stop talking, so I stopped looking at him and found an interesting ceiling stain to stare at. Makes one wonder, how’d the ceiling get stained? “Kiera never really liked me, even back in Sandover, so I don’t really see why she would like me now. I don’t particularly care blondie, and neither should you.” The situation was a bit too heavy for my liking so I tacked on the last comment without really thinking. “Besides, I have you, Tess, and usually Ashlein. Who needs Kiera when I have you three sexy babes?”

You think my brain would learn to think before it started spouting off sentences, because really, I did not just include Jak with Tess and Ashlein in my ‘sexy babe’ category out loud did I? Sure, he’s always in that category in my head, but, that was something that I didn’t want to share. Luckily, Jak must have just tacked it up with my usual personality and didn’t put anything behind it. I took another drink of beer and wondered how many I would have to drink to get smashed.

Hey, there’s an idea. Maybe I could get wasted and then try to kiss him. I was always told that I became a bit more ‘amorous’ when I got drunk. Wait, I think that happened before…** Well anyways, that will be a plan to save for a rainy day. Right now, we need to do something that will get us out of this stuffy joint, or if you want to read between the lines, something that will get _me_ out of this stuffy joint while also being fun for Jak. I took another drink and idly thought about the ceiling stain. Seriously, what the hell did fatso do to get a stain on the ceiling?

“…you drink a lot.”

“What does that have to do with the stain on the ceiling?”

“What?”

“…Repeat what you said.”

 _‘Never mind Dax.’_ I was still kind of confused, but if Jak was happy enough to not use words then that was fine with me.

After a couple more random thoughts, I was hit with inspiration.

“Dude, let’s go to the market!”

_‘Why?’_

“Because, what’s more fun that looking through the random crap that some of those people try to pass of as things. Besides, the fridge is empty and one look at you, and I’ll get a _great_ discount.” Jak just shook his head, but it had a ‘smiling’ vibe about it, and that meant, that no matter how bad the day was, Jak was able to get past it.

I just smiled and walked back out, making sure to get the grocery money. Jak was following, and as if the whole thing with Kiera never happened, we were joking and talking though the city.

Despite the fact that I was once again on my ‘Jak high’, I wasn’t completely happy. I was slipping up more and more recently. With Jak here, by my side, I always forget where the line is between ‘friend’ and ‘means more than friend’. Eventually, I gonna screw up big enough that Jak’s going to make me tell him what’s going on. It’ll be my luck that it will be before he goes.

How long was I able to hide my feelings of guilt back then? A month? A month and a half? I know that it wasn’t long. My only saving grace is that this time around, the feelings aren’t as bad, though the sleeping thing is still an issue. Besides, with the amount of secrets being set free during this vacation, things were not looking well for me.

I shook my head and focused back on Jak. Now wasn’t the time, when my time with Jak was on a perpetual countdown timer, to worry about the future. If I learned anything with sticking with Jak these last two years, was that you had to focus on the moment, because the future usually sucked. That, and Jak was trying to haggle with a vendor for some fruit, and the poor man looked like he was about to faint. Definitely should only focus on the moment.

* * *

“Daxy, since it’s so slow, I’m going to go out and get a few things.” I yawned and flashed her a thumbs up. She gave me a sympathetic smile before she walked out. Damn, I’m going to have to find some way to get some sleep. It was becoming apparent that I was having a sleeping problem.

Oh well. No one was in today and Jak was following my advice and taking a bath upstairs. I could probably get away with taking a nap behind the bar. Just when I had chosen a comfy spot of floor behind the bar though, the door opened. I put on a fake smile before I saw who it was, and it took every ounce of my showmanship to keep it on.

Kiera walked up to the bar, looking slightly out of place. I just leaned against the bar, waiting for whatever she wanted. I couldn’t exactly kick her out. No doubt it’d get back to Jak.

“Hello Daxter. This is a nice place you have.” I rolled my eyes at her attempt at complimenting me and started drumming my fingers. I had better things I could be doing, like trying to _sleep_.

“Get to the point Kiera,” I said, letting my impatience come through. Kiera got a slight scowl on her face before she smoothed it away.

“I came to talk to Jak. Could you get him?” I narrowed my eyes and felt the green dragon test the air inside me. I tried to keep him chained though, away from the conversation.

“Why?”

“Why?” She looked a bit confused and I rolled my eyes again. Jak probably wouldn’t be done for a while, so I could take care of this little problem before he got down.

“ _Why_ do you want to ‘talk’ to Jak?” I clarified. She looked like she wasn’t going to get it, but her eyes widened, and maybe she saw a bit more of me then I wanted, but oh well. Her eyes got harder, and her face gained a stubborn edge.

“Because I love Jak.” My face froze and the dragon got loose. I didn’t expect her to be so upfront with it. Well, it at least cut out five minutes of conversation.

“Kiera,” my voice was slightly lower and more serious than usual, and she looked surprised at the change, “I’ll accept that you like Jak, and that you even have a crush on him, but you don’t love him.”

“…what?” Hah, I never knew angry surprise could look so funny.

“Do I need to repeat it? ‘Cause I will if it went over your head.” She quickly recovered, and her woman’s anger was roused.

“Back off Daxter. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t? Funny, because I’m pretty sure that I’ve put a lot of thought and observation into this.”

“I’ve known Jak since he was a kid. I’ve helped him in any way that I could, anytime I could. I’ve done everything in my power,” I snorted at this but she kept going, “to stay by him. I love him.” The final ‘I love him’ sent me over the edge and the dragon free.

“You don’t love Jak!” I finally snapped. This was getting to be too much. “You can’t love Jak!” I was going beyond jealousy, sort of, I was moving into protective anger now, kind of. This type of love would only hurt Jak, and that’s something that I _would not_ stand for.

“You don’t know how I feel! I-“

“Don’t you dare say you love him! You love the Jak from Sandover, not from Haven, and guess what girly, they’re completely. Different.”

“I know that Jak changed, but he’s also the same Jak from before!” She still didn’t see. I nearly wanted to laugh at how hardheaded she was, but the anger wasn’t allowing the other emotions any legroom.

“Could you love Dark Jak? A beast that only understood base instincts, that wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of anything in its way, even if it was you. Could you love Light Jak? A being so pure and removed from humanity that you didn’t want to come near it for fear of tainting it, scared that your dirty mortal soul would rub off on the angel. Could you love a Jak that can no longer love himself?” I said, my voice getting lower and lower until I was barely speaking above a whisper. Kiera looked scared and a small corner of my mind wondered if it was at the questions I had posed to her, or at how I was acting. That same corner of my mind purred at the second thought and the look on my face got fiercer.

“O-Of course I could,” she tried to say with conviction, but we both knew it was a lie. Kiera wouldn’t be able to except those parts of Jak, she would try to play dumb and ignore them and hope they would go away. She wouldn’t try to find out that Dark Jak is actually protective of those he considers his, and would never harm them. She wouldn’t realize that even though Light Jak made Jak feel the most at peace, it also made him feel vaguely lonely and it took a bit of attention to make him feel normal again. She wouldn’t recognize that Jak needed a hero to come to his rescue, that she would need to help keep him sane. No, she would hit those walls and not be able to get over them.

“You wouldn’t be able to love Jak,” I said out loud, my voice flat. It wasn’t accusatory or angry; it was just a simple statement. Strangely, it was now that Kiera started to breakdown, a few tears running down her face.

“That was horribly mean Daxter.” Her eyes were glassy and she looked vaguely crushed, but I ignored that. I leaned in again and spoke in a whisper so low that she could barely hear me, just in case the big blonde was listening in from somewhere. He definitely didn’t need to hear what I was going to say next. It was about as close to a love confession I would ever get to speaking out loud.

“I won’t let Jak get hurt, not when I have the power to prevent it, not again,” this made her cry harder but I continued. I wanted to make sure that either Kiera would stop going after Jak, or know damn well that I would stop it if she didn’t do it seriously. “Not even by you Kiera, and I will do everything in my power to stop it if I feel that it needs to be stopped. My happiness, my _life_ , they’re expendable when it comes to him. I would even accept Jak hating me, but _he will not be hurt again._ ” She looked like she was going to say something, but she just turned around and ran out the door.

I sighed and collapsed against the counter. I didn’t need that emotional roller coaster when I was already so drained. I was going to sigh again, but a sound from upstairs distracted me. It sounded like someone was going through one of the rooms upstairs.

My heart started beating faster at that until I calmed it down. Just because Jak was out of the tub now, didn’t mean that he was out when me and Kiera were ‘talking’. He probably didn’t hear a thing. Yeah. He would have busted in if he heard Kiera’s multiple love confessions, or at least me yelling at her.

The door opened again, this time a real customer, and I tried to put the conversation, and the fears, out of my mind. I mean, I was probably right. I’m usually right . . . right?

* * *

I was getting ready to try to get my three hours of sleep for the night when Jak walked in. I kind of froze for a minute before my cheeks started to heat up and I scrambled to pull the shirt back over my head. I was still kind of twitchy from the surprise, but I tried to keep my hands still.

“What’s up buddy?” At least my voice was even. Jak didn’t really move from the doorway, but just leaned up against it, staring at me. It was a few more moments of the strange staring before he spoke.

“…What’d you say to Kiera today?” I froze up and just stared at him.

Crap. He heard? How much did he hear? Maybe he saw Kiera from a window? Was he doing this to test me? _How much did he hear?_

“Uh…heh, I don’t know?” Smooth Dax. Blue will _never_ be able to see through that one.

“She sounded upset. Like she was crying when she left.”

 _Crap._ That meant that he really did hear the conversation. Well, at least the end of it. That wasn’t too bad then. The end was just Kiera crying and me whispering. The real trouble was in the beginning and middle. I started looking hard at his eyebrows and shoulders, trying to think of something that he would buy.

“She, uh, she,” a pet died? No. Loghead died? No. God, what would I say to Kiera that would make her cry, but not make Jak hate me? “She came to apologize to me for not coming to see me, but I got kind of angry. Guess I was too harsh?" My face felt slightly strained, but I was putting everything I had into this.

Jak didn't say anything, but kept staring at me. I tried to keep my eyes glued to his shoulder. They were like a magnet though, and I couldn't help but look. It seems I can never not look huh?

Blue's face hadn't changed, but his eyes were speaking volumes.

_'Why are you lying to me?'_

"I aint' lying! I just got a bit spirited is all! I was just angry." Which, if you think about it, wasn't really a lie at all. I'm not known for my tact and poise.

Jak still wasn't talking, and he hadn't stopped asking. I was getting more frayed the more this kept on. My hands started getting fidgety again, a sure sign that I wasn't going to last much longer.

"Daxter . . . " How sad is it that your full name can make you feel like trash? 'Cause that's what I felt like just then. Beyond that though, was the panic that my secret may stop being a secret.

“Jak please,” I said, begging and breaking down. I couldn’t let him know what I said, because not even Jak is that emotionally stunted. He would be able to put two and two together and get the numerically correct four. “Please, let me keep this one thing to myself Jak.” It was only in Jak’s surprised silence that I realized I might have let too much slip, but I had already put my foot in my mouth, and I couldn't pull it out.

Jak’s eyes were large, maybe seeing a bit of the turmoil that I always tried to hide. After a moment though, he closed his eyes and turned around.

For once, I wished he would let me see his eyes. Usually they always tricked me into saying what I didn’t want to say, but without them now, I couldn’t hear what he was trying to tell me.

“Sorry Daxter.” His voice was quiet and apologetic, and maybe a bit hurt as well. As he walked away, I wanted to try to call him back, but what was I going to tell him? I yelled at the girl who liked you because I thought that she didn’t love you like I did? That would be as worse as not telling Jak and having to deal with _this_.

I got up and closed the door, collapsing against it. I wasn’t going to get to sleep any time soon, and for whatever reason, the floor seemed more comfortable than the bed. I leaned back and started to laugh, though there wasn’t an ounce of humor heard within it. Tears started falling along with the laughter, and the combined sound was grating on my ears.

It was like I was cursed to perpetually fail. I couldn’t save Jak, I couldn’t help Jak, and now I couldn’t even let him try to get his happy ending. Why couldn’t I do something that eventually let Jak be happy? Why did I always screw things up?

Old demons that were locked away found cracks in their cage and came out with the vengeance. The only upside was that at least the laughter covered up the tears, so that once I rode out the angst wave, I could pretend that I wasn’t sitting in the dark crying for a couple hours. ‘Cause, you know, that _always_ works.

* * *

I tried to smother another yawn behind a bar glass. Tess shot me a look and I tried to smile, showing her that I was fine. She didn't look any less worried though, before she turned back around, dealing with a customer. I let out a silent sigh this time, and got back to washing the glasses.

Ever since that night a couple of days ago, I hadn't been in the best condition. What's worse, things between me and Jak were strained. I only had six days left until he left back for Spargus, and he hadn't spoken a word. I might as well have been living by myself again for all the impact Blue left.

My insomnia was aided now by nightmares, slightly reminiscent of the ones from back then. I was lucky if I got an hour of sleep a night. I was surviving off of little cat naps that I could snatch whenever I could. Once or twice, I even saw Jak giving me glances, which in itself meant a lot since he was breaking his, 'must ignore Dax's existence' rule.

The six day timer was both a curse and a blessing. When Jak left, things would, hopefully, go back to the way they were before. The downside of course was that Jak would be leaving. It was like a piece of myself was missing whenever Jak wasn't within eyesight. It was probably an even toss up if I would be better or worse when Jak finally did leave.

I set the glass down and gripped the counter. For a moment, I thought I was seeing double, but no, there was only one glass. I let go of the counter and tried to pick up the glass, but I got distracted by the black dots. A wave of nausea came over me and I think I knocked the glass over. I might have heard Tess say something but watching the black take over my vision was much too distracting to hear her words. I heard the kitchen door bang open before I was completely lost to the world.

* * *

Things started filtering through to my brain. I was going to try to go back to sleep, but it was the familiar presence beside me that made me open my eyes. Jak was sitting in a chair next to me, in what appeared to be my bedroom. He hadn't noticed that I'd woken up yet, since he was staring so intently at the wall. My mind must have still been fuzzy because my first words weren't that smart.

"Blue, you have too dark a tan to pull of being that pale." His eyes shot down to me, but I was distracted with the thought that I had actually called him Blue out loud. For some reason, I didn't like that I did that. It seemed so much more intimate and revealing than ‘babe’.

I was going to get up so that he wasn't hovering over me anymore, but as soon as I put pressure on my hand, it sent a pain through my arm that sent me back to the bed. I brought my hand up and saw it wrapped in bandages.

"When you collapsed, you fell on the glass you broke. You've been sleeping for the last six hours." I turned my head to look out the window, and the sky was getting dark in preparation for sundown. I turned back to Jak to ask something, probably something that was important, but then I looked at his face. It felt like I was swallowing sand as I stared into his eyes.

"I think I've seen that look before," I said in a hoarse voice. It was the look he gave me when he caught me blaming myself over his scars, the one that made me spill my guts without a backwards glance. My palms started to sweat and I tried to swallow more sand without breaking his gaze. If I did, that would mean that there really was something wrong and Jak would find out.

"Why did you collapse?" HIs voice was hard, with anger and stubbornness. Anger most likely because he had let me get this bad, and stubbornness because he wasn't going to leave this room without an answer. I tried to take a calming breath, but it got lost somewhere between my nose and my lungs.

"I just haven't been sleeping good. That's all. I'll be fine with a few more hours sleep." I found a smile, one that matched fairly good for the situation, but Jak saw through it. He glared harder at me. He knew that I was trying to avoid the question.

"Why haven't you been sleeping?" I tensed up. I couldn't think up a half truth for that. My mind was trying to wade through all the sand I had been swallowing to get to a suitable answer.

"Just . . . haven't gotten used to being a human yet. It'll get better." It was hard to keep my eyes on his while not telling the truth. His eyes narrowed and I felt pinned, as if I was an ottsel and I had met that tom again. The fear that went through me wasn't for my life though, it was because I knew that Jak had had enough. My secret wouldn't be a secret any longer.

"Tess said that you haven't been sleeping because of me. What did I do?" _'Tell me what I can do to fix it, to make you better. What can I do to make you Dax again? What did I do?'_

My crumbling composure fell at the onslaught. I gave up and started laughing, a sad hopeless laugh. Jak became alarmed at my mood swing behavior and leaned closer. A few tears started to come and I gave one more broken laugh.

"Blue, what am I going to do with you?" It was whispered and Jak barely heard it. Before he could answer, my good hand was on his shoulder, pulling me up. My bad hand was behind his neck so that my elbow was pulling him down. The last thing I saw was Jak's surprised and blank eyes before my lips were on his.

Behind the bitterness that I would never be able to see my friend again, and the salty sadness that were my tears that fell on my lips, was the taste that was purely Jak. My mind was becoming detached in a way that probably wasn't a good thing, but it allowed me to try to figure out how Jak tasted.

Just his lips weren't enough though to try to find out what the taste was, so I swiped my tongue across his lips and his mouth opened in an inaudible gasp. He was still trying to process that I was kissing him, and I met no resistance in exploring his mouth.

I finally settled on fruity expresso. The strange combo must have come from the eco cocktail in Jak. Thinking back to when I got turned into an ottsel and when I got turned back, the flavors fit, though a sprinkling of Jak made them ten times better than before (without the light eco and Jak, dark eco tasted like rotten lemon and plain light eco tasted like I was eating a cup of sugar).

It eventually occurred to me that I was kissing my best friend, with a lot of tongue, and he still hadn't moved. I let my moment of paradise go on for a few more moments before I broke away. Jak hadn't moved, so he was still braced against the bed when I laid back down. It was only when my hand and arm left him that he snapped out of it.

His eyes focused on mine and they were asking a question that I couldn't decipher. I sighed and brought an arm up to cover my eyes. I felt a slight twinge of pain that meant that more than just my hand landed on the glass.

"Jak, I think that you should leave." I felt a hand still inches above my arm, before it retreated. Soon after, the hand on the bed left and I heard near silent footfalls head towards the door. The door clicked shut before I removed the arm from my face.

I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, trying to memorize the taste on my tongue. Strange, it was almost like I was in shock. I knew that I should be feeling a lot of emotions, happiness, sadness, anger, stupidity, but I just felt numb. I was still dressed and the walls were suffocating me.

I quickly scrawled a note to Tess saying that I was heading over to the ruins before I slipped my boots on and opened the window. I glanced around quickly before I hopped out and down on to the pile of boxes slightly to the side. My arm didn't like the rough treatment, but I ignored it as I brushed off the dirt.

I quickly orientated myself before I started walking. The sky was becoming a dark orange as I walked along the dark alleys. Unfortunately, I was so out of it that my mind didn't find anything wrong with walking down secluded alley ways at sundown. Luckily I wasn't so out of it that I couldn't hear the punks sneaking up behind me. I only paused for a moment before I started to run flat out.

I heard someone give out a curse behind me and they lost all pretenses of 'sneaking'. I ran through multiple allies, though for some reason, they just wouldn't give up. A wrong turn took me to a dead end with the only way out being a rather large fence to climb.

I would never make it over the fence so I started looking around for something to defend myself with. There was a rusty ladder rung that gave under my body weight just in time for me to defend myself against four teenagers.

Maybe the precusers didn't hate me as much as I thought since they were all around 15 and thinner than me. Soon though, there wasn't much room for thought since they all came at me. Survival instincts told me to keep my back to the wall as I swung out with my makeshift club. Somebody tried to grab my arm but a mule kick to their shin made them let go.

I was actually starting to think that I would be able to come out on top when I had l turned to smash the pipe into one guy's side when he missed in his punch. It was about when I was on the ground and seeing stars that I had realized that I had turned my back away from the building and one of them had got a solid punch to the back of my head.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the barrage of punches and kicks that was sure to come, when a sound froze us all in our place. Above us, a loud, ominous growl was accented with the crackling of electricity. I turned on my back to see burnt orange hair and dark horns outlined by the sky on top of a building.

Dark Jak growled again and jumped off the building. The kids all turned tail and ran. I had just barely gotten up fast enough to grab a hold of Jak's shirt before he chased after them.

His head swiveled in my direction and hissed at me, almost exactly like he had when I had broke him out of Praxis' prison. I just rolled my eyes and poked his forehead. He stopped midgrowl and I took the opportunity to grab a horn, and pulled so that his head was nearly completely sideways.

"Stop being snarly and take a nap before I put you in timeout." Dark Jak just blinked before he gave off a slight smirk that almost seemed approving. Before I could ponder much over it, the claws and paleness were already receding. Soon, my hand was holding empty air as Jak stood up, trying to get his bearings.

Jak's eyes focused on me, and an even a blind man could see that Jak's whole body screamed 'angry'. Before I could think of anything to say, Jak, for once, beat me to it.

"How dumb can you be Dax? Who would travel in Haven at night without even a gun? Not to mention disregarding the fact that I was pumped full of dark eco five seconds ago! Were you even thinking?!"

Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, I was starting to get all detached again. I leaned back against the building trying not to collapse again, and think of something suitable to say. I was still kind of surprised that I heard Jak speak so much at one time, but he probably didn't want to hear that. I finally got my mind functioning enough to actually respond.

"Not really, no. Besides, I know you better than I know myself. Dark Jak wouldn't have hurt me." Jak kind of froze like he was actually seeing me for the first time, and I just now realized that I probably didn't look my best since I just got out of a street fight against four people. Before Jak could start being Jak, I broke the silence, trying to divert his attention.

"What are you doing out here?" He looked at me, and I'm fairly sure that his eyes were calling me an idiot, before he angrily stalked toward me.

"I went up to your room to find it empty, and the window open with only a note hinting to where you had gone. I was _worried_ Dax." Instead of the slap across the head that I was expecting, he pulled me into a tight hug. I stiffened slightly at the contact but he ignored me and kept talking.

"Dax, about the-the kiss," at this, I had tried to struggle out of his arms, though I might as well been trying to break steel pylons. His arms getting slightly tighter were his only reaction to my struggling, and he continued speaking, "I didn't know what to think. I had never thought about you that way." I felt my heart start to break through the fog clouding my emotions, but this time I was still and didn't interrupt.

"I just knew that, that I didn't like it when you told me to leave the room or when you wouldn't tell me what was wrong with you. Dax, you're the only person I have, and I wouldn't be able to stand it if you pulled away from me like that. I barely stood it when you did today." He paused, and even though I couldn't see his face, I could feel how hard it was for him to say all this. Jak wasn't a man that you would call 'in touch with his emotions'.

"I-I figured that the gap between 'love' and what I feel for you now isn't that big, and," maybe I was just hallucinating all this. There was no way that the heat the left side of my face was feeling was a blush from Jak. There was no way this could be real. Jak's next words were in a whisper so soft that despite his mouth being only inches from my ear, I could barely make them out.

"And I might…might have actually liked it when you kissed me." I think I might have died, and I'm not exaggerating. My mind emptied, I didn't breathe, and I felt my heart stop. Soon though, things started turning back on. I took a breath, I heard my heart start again, and my mind was filled with what that last sentence meant.

I felt something wet go down my face before I felt a laugh start to bubble out of my throat. It wasn't a nice laugh, it was almost like a watery cackle but I didn't care. Jak had just said that he loved me, and I don't think anything could bring me down from the high I was on right now.

I must have been freaking Jak out though because he broke the hug so he could look me in the face. I stifled my laughter and tears of happiness and grabbed his face so that our foreheads were touching.

"Blue, you have no idea how _happy_ I am right now." I gave him a true smile, something that I hadn't been able to give anyone for the last couple weeks, and let my hands fall until they were behind his neck. "Now, since you said you didn't mind," I pulled Jak closer until there wasn't a hair's breadth between us and proceeded to kiss him, with all of my happiness behind it.

It didn't matter that we were in an alleyway or that my head and arm were throbbing. All that _did_ matter was that kissing Jak was ten times better when he was actively kissing back.

* * *

I tried to reach my coffee that was positioned in front of my previous seat, but my new one thought it was funny to watch me struggle. After my elbow 'accidently' hit my seat's chest, his arms loosened enough for me to cover the distance and claim my prize. I took a drink and sighed in bliss when Tess laughed at me, or maybe it was us. I don't know, but she obviously found something funny.

"Now Jak, just because Daxykins is incredibly snuggable, doesn't mean that you can treat him like a teddy bear." She waggled her finger at him, though she couldn't keep the smile off her face.

I felt Jak shrug his shoulders as he put his chin on my shoulder. "I just can't resist though." Between that and the breath ghosting over my ear, it brought a bright blush to my face. I heard Tess laugh again, and even felt a small rumble go through Jak. Tess gave off one last giggle before she went through the swinging doors.

"You two enjoy the day together, I'll cover the bar." I turned around so that I could see her and gave her a sincere smile, one I saw mirrored on Jak's face as well. Over the last couple days, he had really warmed up to Tess. I think it was because he realized how much she helped me. It might have also been because she walked in on us when our shirts were off and Jak was giving me a hickey, and all she did was giggle and say that she would ask me later. Strangely, I think that Tess actually earned Jak's trust, something that only me, Sig, and the late Damus had. I was rudely broken from my musings though when my coffee cup was plucked from my hand and put on the table while Jak stood up and threw me over his shoulder.

I yelled in protest at the treatment, but all it did was make Tess giggle some more. I wiggled around some and gave his ear a pull, which only earned me a smack on the ass, before I lapsed into petulant silence.

He made it to his room, our room now, before he carefully set me back on my feet, with his hands still on my waist. I glared at him, but his smile broke my resolve so I ended with an eye roll.

"I don't get you sometimes Blue." He just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. He sat on the bed, with his back against the wall, and it was only seconds before I sat next to him. I looked at his profile, and I felt a pang of sadness reverberate through me. Today was his last day. He would be leaving at sundown to head back to Spargus. I think Jak was feeling the same thing, because he reached out and intertwined his hand with mine.

I swallowed back the sadness of him leaving. It didn't matter that we've only been like this for the last six days. We were already so close now that it seemed that we were always supposed to hold hands, or kiss, or, uh, do . . . other stuff. It would be hard to get used to not being able to do this every day. It was only now though, that I realized that I hadn't said something that, now that I thought about it, I couldn't stand to not say.

I tugged slightly on his hand, and I saw him glance at me from the corners of his eye. I took a deep breath and turned to face him completely.

"I know that it's pretty obvious, but, Jak, I," I took another deep breath to steady myself, "I love you." Jak had turned his head to fully face me before I finished, so that now I could see those lovely blue orbs opened fully in surprise. Before I could try to poke his face though, I was pulled on to his lap and into a hug. I enjoyed the hug, but then noticed something. Jak was saying something, but I couldn't understand it with just his shoulders.

I slightly pulled back so I could see his face, and heard what he had been telling me. I sat down properly so that I could face him without getting a crick in my back and put a hand on his cheek. I tapped it slightly, trying to find the correct words as I felt his hands lock around my waist.

“Blue, you look slightly confused. What gives?” His eyes got wide again before he focused his eyes over my shoulder. He didn't say anything, but I kept my hand on his cheek and kept tapping my finger, telling him that I was waiting. Either the tapping got too annoying or he realized that I wanted him to tell me, but he finally started speaking.

“I had went down to the kitchen when you were talking to Kiera that one day. I had walked in at the part when you were asking her if she could love the different sides of me.” I was drawing a blank before it finally clicked. “I just . . . wonder . . . why you would . . ."

“Love. I think the word you’re looking for is love big guy,” I said is a soft voice. He gave a bit of a smile before he went on.

“I just wonder why you would love me, if you know all those bad parts about me.” I waited until I knew he was done before I kissed him for all I was worth. He was a bit hesitant before he joined in as well, and it was only due to lack of air that we stopped. I took a deep breath and leaned my head against his shoulder.

“Blue, I don’t see those as bad parts, I just see them as parts. I said it that way to Kiera to see if she would be able to love all of you, not just the parts she wanted to love. You weren’t supposed to hear any of that conversation. If I knew you were there, I would have changed what I said.” I was very proud of myself for being so serious. The mood was calm and relaxing, and Jak was running his fingers through my hair in a very pleasing way.

“ . . . What did you whisper to Kiera at the end? She looked surprised.” I tried to make my brain work as I reached back to the conversation. It was probably more towards the end . . .

My entire face went red and I tried to scramble away from him. His arms had become like a steel trap though and I was stuck, my blush in full view.

“Oh, you know. I can’t even really remember it.” Jak looked at me for a minute, before a mischievous glint came to his eye. He leaned over and started to whisper in my ear.

“If you tell me, I’ll buy you that blue silk ribbon that you’ve been eyeing.” My face went blank as I remembered what dream Jak did with the ribbon. My face flushed a bright red, and Jak leaned back with a triumphant look on his face. Damn him! That wasn’t fair. I stayed silent for a few beats before I gave in.

“I said that if she couldn’t love you properly, then I wouldn’t let her. It didn’t matter what you would think of me, but I would try my best to keep you from getting hurt. There, are you happy now?” Jak was frozen for a minute, and I tried to squirm free. Jak’s brain unfroze though fairly quickly, and this time it was me getting kissed, and oh, I knew dream Jak could do that with his tongue, but I didn’t know real Jak could too. I can’t wait until I have that ribbon.

We broke apart again, and we were both out of breath. I was still fantasying about the ribbon, but Jak brought me back down.

“What would you have done if Kiera could love me properly?” I sighed and rolled my eyes, collapsing back against him.

“Questions, questions, and more questions with you.” I paused before I answered. “I told you already. You meant the most to me, if she loved you, I would have let her, and once I was able to control myself, I probably would have encouraged her.” Jak nuzzled his head in my neck. A light blush came back to my face, but I ignored it and started combing my fingers through his hair. Even though it was still fairly short, he was starting to grow it again. I'd have to make sure that he grew it out a bit more. I found that I liked running my fingers through his hair.

“Thank you Dax.” _‘Thank you for being there, for putting yourself before me, for caring for me when others wouldn’t.’_ I heard everything, spoken and silent, and felt a warmth spread through me. Not the kisses, not the hugs, but this moment. This was the moment that I had always dreamed of, the far off fantasy that I never thought would come true.

“While that’s lovely blue, there are three other words that would also make my day.” I felt Jak smile, not just an upturn of lips, but a _smile_ , against my neck before he brought his head up and leaned his forehead against mine.

“I love you,” he whispered. His blue eyes, his huge, girly, beautiful, entrancing blue eyes, were all I could see, and it was landscape I could never tire of. I guess I was wrong, maybe my luck wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. For this ending, I had to be the luckiest man in the world.

I lent forward and pecked his lips before I laughed and went back to my previous position at his side. My hand was going through his hair again as I mused. Maybe I could have Tess make me a gun and teach me how to use it. It would suck to not be here at the Ottsel, but not being with Jak would hurt worse. Jak broke me from my thoughts with a quiet voice.

"I'll talk to Sig, to see if you can come to Spargus." I smiled before I gave a light snort.

"I don't know Blue. That's a pretty big rule for Sig to bend." I'm sure that Tess wouldn't mind. Then I'd even be able to go out into Haven. I felt something change and I looked over to Jak to see what happened. My hand stilled and I could feel the confusion form on my face.

Jak was starting to look like me, slightly twitchy and would glance out the side of his eyes at me every once in a while.

"He…might be more willing than you think." He turned his face to me, but was looking at my neck. I might have been worried if not for the light dusting of pink across his cheeks. "He made me leave Spargus for two weeks because without you there, I couldn't control my temper that well. It got so bad that no one wanted to go on missions with me."

I had to take six deep breaths before I could make sure my voice would be steady. "How many fights did you get into?" I was very proud at my effort. Only an experienced ear would be able to hear the suppressed laughter in the sentence.

Jak was still too busy being embarrassed to hear as his blush got a little darker. He moved his gaze from my neck to above my head before he spoke again.

"A lot. It was after the sixth time Sig had to break up a fight when I was darked out that he sent me on the two week mission and said that I was going to go straight to Haven after that."

I was frozen for a moment before I started to laugh. Loud. Before Jak could get indignant I used the hand that was still in his hair and pushed him over until his head was in my lap. I leaned over, mirth still readily apparent, before I spoke.

"Don't worry Blue, I'm sure the three of us will be able to come up with a satisfactory conclusion." I leaned down the rest of the way, and claimed a slow and lazy kiss, my lips still turned up from my laughter. It wasn't even a question now. I _was_ the luckiest man in the world.


End file.
